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This post is simply intended to bring awareness to something I never gave a second thought to before I started trying to have kids. My hope is that, if nothing else, it will make you more aware of something you may not think about…and my greater hope is that it will help someone out there going through the same struggles feel a little less alone. I hope it also helps remind you that bloggers are real people too…with real struggles, triumphs and disappointments. Life is not perfect for anyone. Focus on the good.<\/p>\n
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So here you go:<\/p>\n
I\u2019m just gonna lay it all out there, \u00a0friends:\u00a0Having kids is not easy for everyone. I want to take a minute to fill you in on some things I wish you knew when you ask that seemingly simple question, \u201cWhen are you guys going to have kids?\u201d \u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n I want you to know that every time someone asks me that question, it feels like a knife stabbing me in the heart. I want you to know that it doesn\u2019t happen after only one or two months of trying for everyone. I want you to know how hard it is to be immersed in social media day after day, to see dozens of photos of adorable kids and read pregnancy announcement after pregnancy announcement. I want you to know that every month it doesn’t happen for us, my heart breaks a little bit more. I want you to know that this journey is taking an emotional toll on me. Mostly, I just want you to take a second to consider what others might be going through. I want you to think about it for a second before you ask someone \u201cWhen are you having kids?\u201d Because someday, someone might just give you a brutally honest answer\u2026and it might be more than you bargained for.<\/p>\n ————<\/p>\n A few notes:<\/p>\n ——————<\/p>\n I shared this post with hubby while I was still deciding whether or not to post it and he offered to give his insight as well. Here’s what he has to say:<\/p>\n Bean had me read this. She shared it shortly after I came home to find her inconsolable and tried my best to cheer her up- that\u2019s been the hardest part so far. It\u2019s a really personal topic and something we don\u2019t really even talk about with our friends. Quite frankly, I don\u2019t hear many people talk about it all. For us, it\u2019s not because we don\u2019t love and trust our friends, but its kind of a downer and not good dinner conversation. \u201cHey, can you pass the wine? Also, we can\u2019t seem to get this pregnancy thing nailed down.\u201d However, I know the disappointment we both feel every month when I say \u201cwell?\u201d and Bean shakes her head \u201cno\u201d, so I thought I\u2019d offer the male perspective since its getting put out in the open.<\/em><\/p>\n First of all, I\u2019m sure I\u2019m not the first to chuckle at the intense irony that you spend most of your life trying NOT to get anybody pregnant, and then after all precautions are thrown out the window, there\u2019s no result. Health class made you feel like even looking at a girl wrong would get her pregnant. But alas, Bean and I made it! We did the right thing! We fell in love, got married, waited until we felt we were well suited to do what we\u2019ve been engineering our lives to finally accomplish, STARTING. A. FAMILY.<\/em><\/p>\n Now that we\u2019ve made it this far, I promise you that not having a baby unexpectedly wasn\u2019t hard- pretty darn straightforward in fact. So enter part two:\u00a0 In light of our experiences to date, accidental pregnancies piss. me. off. \u201cWhoops, guess we\u2019ll get married.\u201d How much does it suck to be envious of someone else\u2019s mistake?<\/em><\/p>\n Then it gets slightly awkward. What\u2019s missing? Why isn\u2019t this working? Whose fault is it? Is it me? Welp, got to go get tested. Talk about an awkward experience. I\u2019ve never paid $90 to do THAT before. Results look normal- Ok, so what\u2019s next!?<\/em><\/p>\n I stay positive. I\u2019m sure I talk about it more than Bean does. I have friends that I mention it to. They say positive things. Share their thoughts. Say things like \u201crelax\u201d and \u201cdon\u2019t think about it\u201d. I look at each month as a new opportunity. I reset the clock. I have faith that it\u2019s going to happen. I know we\u2019re not the only ones who have had issues. I know there still may be a long road ahead. I know people have struggled much longer than we have to date.<\/em><\/p>\n But it still sucks.<\/em><\/p>\n Bean mentioned social media. I talked to my mom the other night about that, and it\u2019s certainly a game changer. It took my parents awhile to have me, but they didn\u2019t have compact digital devices flooding their faces with pictures of their friends accomplishing the one thing they\u2019d been focused on for over a year. That\u2019s a new curve ball for our generation. It\u2019s also a strenuous mental exercise to simultaneously be genuinely excited for friends while suppressing envy that you wish you didn\u2019t have.<\/em><\/p>\n I guess when I take stock today, I keep thinking about that Einstein quote that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s next, but we\u2019ll keep hanging tough, get this thing figured out, and I know we\u2019ll eventually get what we want.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0————-<\/p>\n I appreciate hubby sharing his thoughts. This is an issue that doesn’t get talked about very often from a female perspective, and even less from a male perspective. I’m a pretty private person…and this isn’t something I would normally share, but I realize that I have a unique position as a blogger to reach more people than others do and sometimes that can be used for good.<\/span><\/p>\n So please know this, most importantly of all: If you are struggling as well, \u00a0you are not alone. There are other people out there who understand what you\u2019re going through<\/strong><\/span>. Don’t be afraid to talk about it. We’ll all get through it together.<\/p>\n Much love,<\/p>\n –Lindsay–<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Hi Friends! I wrote this post about six months ago….after I’d been trying to get pregnant for over six months. I wrote it mostly for myself after a particularly hard day…and I thought I might share it with you guys at some point…but I wasn’t sure when. A couple weeks ago, Colleen wrote\u00a0this post (please […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15331,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[67],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-11371","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-kids","8":"entry"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theleangreenbean.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11371","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theleangreenbean.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theleangreenbean.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theleangreenbean.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theleangreenbean.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11371"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.theleangreenbean.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11371\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theleangreenbean.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/15331"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theleangreenbean.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11371"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theleangreenbean.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11371"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theleangreenbean.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11371"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nThat sometimes I just want to scream or cry or run away after you ask me.
\nBut that I know you\u2019re not trying to hurt me.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n
\nThat just because we don\u2019t have kids yet doesn\u2019t mean we don\u2019t want kids or that we\u2019re not trying.
\nBut that maybe it\u2019s none of your business when I\u2019m going to have kids.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n
\nThat I\u2019m genuinely happy for all of you out there that are pregnant or already have kids\u2026I think it\u2019s something everyone should be able to experience if they\u2019d like to.
\nBut that it still hurts on the inside.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n
\nThat the tests, exercise restrictions, pills and the lack of explanation are frustrating, gut-wrenching and something I wouldn\u2019t wish on anyone else.
\nBut that we still have hope.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n
\nThat my heart aches and I cry and that I never thought it would be this hard.
\nBut that we’re not giving up.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n
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